All we are really yearning for are internal states, and the externals (jobs, cars, houses, relationships, body weight) are just tangible, easily visualized goals (think the loud and flashy TV commercials) that we hope will deliver the internal states. There is nothing wrong with wanting a car, but it is good to have a broad and realistic perspective of what a car can and cannot do for us. We desire certain circumstances over other not really for what they are, but for how they make us feel. Try this little exercise to gain more clarity into this anxiety infused issue.

The ‘wanting’ exercise:

1. What would it take for me to feel I am doing a great job at life?

List 5 items that seem major to you:






2. What would each of those things give to me?

3. What is my internal dialogue around achieving/not achieving/caring/not caring about those things?

4. What is having/not having/caring/not caring about those things say about me?

5. What are my earliest memories related? It there any experiences of loss, shame, hopelessness involved?

Take your time, dig deep, write what arrives.